You know when there are those moments where you just want to say F it all, and run far away? Ya...That's been my DAYS lately.
Not only do I feel like I carry a constant stress load due to my hubby's ex, but it seems like everything else is piling now too.
I wish someone could be in my shoes (and my bra...that would be a much enjoyed break too) for just a day. One day. Then maybe they would all understand what my days have been. It sucks feeling so alone over absolutely everything. Yes, I have my dear sweet hubs, but there are moments where I really need my girlfriends. Or A girlfriend. Or even an ape at this point.
I don't wish all the negativity on anyone I know and care for, but it would just be nice to feel like I had someone who understood the depths of my loads of shit happening in my life. Even just for an hour.
I have really tried to be a positive influence for not only myself, but everyone around me. I'm just now emotionally and physically exhausted. It's like a constant battle. I just want a break...just a simply cut break. I would just like a period of time that I don't have to be responsible for ANYTHING. I know it's great and all to be independent and out forging my own path in this world, but not everyone is being made to follow that rule of life, so why do I HAVE to? I enjoy being independent for the most part, but all the stuff that comes along with it? Right now, it's just too much. Dealing with an ex-wife, child support (not that I think any parent, mother or father, should not have to care for their children), rent, utilities, this bill and that bill, gas to drive to work, etc. Really? Just one day I don't have to think or worry over any of it, would be FABULOUS!
I would also like just one person, to acknowledge that I am doing the best I can. Instead of all the people who are around bad mouthing me and thinking they know everything about me, I would like them to realize. I would like all my friends to realize. Even that show of support would be helpful in my daily grind. I feel like I will never get it. That I will just be alone...
Well I don't like this post :( Im so sorry Cait! I wish you were here still (or me there, either way) so that we could have a venting session! I have so much gossip I could tell you that could take your mind off of stuff, for a little bit at least! And then, we could go to La! I miss you! Cheer up, or at least try.. Because you are WONDERFUL! and you are doing an incredible job with everything that you have been dealt! Love you!
ReplyDeleteOh im sorry your having a hard time right now. I know everyone goes through the stresses of growing up. But it does make a difference when someone is there to listen to your frustrations. you know you can always talk to me whenever ya need it. I hope your days become good ones. Always remember to just come home and relax.. try to release your mind from the stress each day.
ReplyDeleteI am proud of you for taking all this on, Cait. So many people would have thrown in the towel long ago and walked away. Not you. As stressed as you become you still hold onto it, and fight to come out on the other side, stronger, wiser, and more mature then ever. Things will get better. I know I have said this a million times (and you have also said this to me) but know it is true. They WILL get better. You are a very strong woman, and I am very proud of you for fighting this out. Stay positive. Scream when you need to scream, cry when you need to cry, and know that I am always here for you.
ReplyDeleteAt the beginning of this blog I laughed! You are a friggin crack up. But I know how stressed you are. Like I said I worry about you with all of it but you are such an example to me. I know how badly we all wanna punch a certain someone, but you rise above all the b.s and are a better person. I think a girlfriend , as in I, would love a vent sesh over din this weekend. Love you.
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