Wednesday, March 21, 2012

It's been awhile....

You know when there are those moments where you just want to say F it all, and run far away? Ya...That's been my DAYS lately.

Not only do I feel like I carry a constant stress load due to my hubby's ex, but it seems like everything else is piling now too.

I wish someone could be in my shoes (and my bra...that would be a much enjoyed break too) for just a day. One day. Then maybe they would all understand what my days have been. It sucks feeling so alone over absolutely everything. Yes, I have my dear sweet hubs, but there are moments where I really need my girlfriends. Or A girlfriend. Or even an ape at this point.

I don't wish all the negativity on anyone I know and care for, but it would just be nice to feel like I had someone who understood the depths of my loads of shit happening in my life. Even just for an hour.

I have really tried to be a positive influence for not only myself, but everyone around me. I'm just now emotionally and physically exhausted. It's like a constant battle. I just want a break...just a simply cut break. I would just like a period of time that I don't have to be responsible for ANYTHING. I know it's great and all to be independent and out forging my own path in this world, but not everyone is being made to follow that rule of life, so why do I HAVE to? I enjoy being independent for the most part, but all the stuff that comes along with it? Right now, it's just too much. Dealing with an ex-wife, child support (not that I think any parent, mother or father, should not have to care for their children), rent, utilities, this bill and that bill, gas to drive to work, etc. Really? Just one day I don't have to think or worry over any of it, would be FABULOUS!

I would also like just one person, to acknowledge that I am doing the best I can. Instead of all the people who are around bad mouthing me and thinking they know everything about me, I would like them to realize. I would like all my friends to realize. Even that show of support would be helpful in my daily grind. I feel like I will never get it. That I will just be alone...

Friday, January 27, 2012

A Grrrrr Type of Day

There is still much to be updated about on my blog, including my blog itself. I will save that for another day.

I just needed a little vent session.

I have talked about this to the few people that are close enough to me to know what's going on, on a daily basis. I have no shame in sharing on here.

I really wish my hubby's ex would go away. I won't wish death or dismemberment on her, because she is the mother of my step-son. However...I want her to leave us alone. Give us C, and live her own life without bothering us.

Here are my main issues that I'm choking on.

She doesn't work. She is now a mother of two. She is not married. She lives in her boyfriends mother's house. She lives off of state aid and child support. I'm sorry, but the child support money given to you for C, does not mean it's given to pay your debts off, or buy new tires on your car, or go binge drinking. Sure, pay a little rent, pay some utilities...Those are things that directly affect C. Since you don't have to pay for either of those things, all of that money should go into the care of the child. Period. If you want to be able to care for your 2nd child, yourself, your boyfriend, your mom, your dog, your neighbor next door....Get a damn job. Minimum wage would make a world of difference when it comes to your financial "struggles". Don't complain that C can't get a $2 juice box from school at lunch, because you don't want to give him $2 out of the child support money that is being used for YOUR needs. Better yet, be cooperative with us, give us his school information, and we'll readily give the money to the school for that type of thing.

She threatens to keep C away from us. I don't think so. Child Support and Child Custody are TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS. It wouldn't matter if Alex was behind by $10,000, you legally can not keep his son away from him. Try it, I dare you. I'm not afraid to get authorites involved and pay for legal advice on the matter. You have really decided to mess with the wrong woman. I don't sit back and just let people be used and taken advantage of. Nope, not how I do things. I will go all Mob Wife on your ass. Believe me.

She filed for "back child support" with the state. Good for you. He was giving you money...More than enough to take care of ONE child. It's out of his hands that he has gotten out of the Army and lives in another state. It takes time and money to modify child support, so in the meantime, you should really count your blessings he was even giving you any at all. I personally know a deadbeat dad or two. Here's the kicker....You were the one to go file with the state. So now, that you have, Alex pays the state, and you get paid by them. You seem to have an issue with that. Sorry sweetie, you dug your own grave.

She doesn't take care of C. When we got him over the summer, all of his clothes and shoes were too small. His few toys he was sent with were all broken and damaged. Toys aside, you are given enough money to buy him new clothes and shoes. Not only did we continue to pay child support to her during the summer, we took care of C. Bought him all new summer clothes and shoes to wear ANNNNDDD we bought him all new school clothes for the upcoming school year. We bought him toys, coloring books, workbooks, and movies. If we were able to not only give you money (to buy yourself a laptop), but to make sure C was fed and clothed properly...that's saying a lot.

She doesn't get involved with C or anything to do with him. He struggles in school. We truly believe he has severe ADHD. He still wets the bed at the age of 7. Which, I would like to point out, we had broken him of while he spent the summer with us. He is now back in pull ups being with her. This isn't something to just put a bandaid on. FIX IT. Play with him, talk to him, take him to do things, help with his school work. Don't just sit him in front of the X-Box or Nintendo DS to keep himself entertained, while you live your own free life. You have a child. You decided to become a young mother. Take care of him. If you are unable, send C to us, because we want him in our lives. We want to make sure he's cared for and provided with all the best things in life.

Last but not least, keep MY name out of your mouth. You have no ties with me. Yes, I might be married to C's father, but you don't know me...and you will never know me. You are nothing to me. I care for Alex and C. Not you. Don't bring me up to anyone ever again, including my husband. I might fight this battle by his side, but I don't fight this battle WITH YOU.

That's the end of my rant. I feel a bit better.